how are you so heavy

when you’ve left
so much of you has gone
the spark and fire of your being
quit
your pulse
your breath
your smile
your tears

and yet you’ve grown so heavy

I can hardly hold you in my arms
limbs lolling
neck slack
my beautiful terrible doll
so much of who I loved
so so so full
yet so
so
so
vacant of so much of who you were

how are you so heavy???

if I can carry your pieces
(in my arms, in my heart, in my head)
can they put you back together for me?
(in my arms?? in my heart?? in my head??)

my god, you are so heavy